Why I Can't be a Unitarian

I recently took a religion quiz and was shocked to learn that I am not, in fact, an atheist, I am a Unitarian. I've read lots of blogs written by Unitarians, and they seem like very nice people, but it's a Religion, and besides it sounds a bit too much like Unarius , those people in El Cajon who dress mannequins up in funny costumes and practice hosting parades to greet our interplanetary visitors.

As far as I can tell, the Unitarians are a wonderful organization. They have meetings for all different types of beliefs, they celebrate the most fun holidays, and they can't be beat for community service. I have visited their web site many times, and have even downloaded the Sunday school curriculum, but we won't be going to the Unitarian church any time soon for one simple reason. I don't want anyone in our family to feel like church of any kind is the best/easiest/most complete source of community. This post and its comments really reminded me that habits are hard to break, so we should think very carefully about starting one.

Instead, we will focus on the hard slow work of building our own community; meet your neighbors, meet your local vendors, talk to them and help them out when you can. Expand the circle and start again. Repeat endlessly.

Springs Preserve

Hooray! A world-class museum has opened here, and we have been twice already. The Springs Preserve offers walking trails, a playground, a demonstration garden, and museums. They have daily classes in cooking, gardening, and conservation. Each exhibit has enough activities for each age that a family can learn together. We especially enjoyed the house that demonstrates green building techniques on our first visit, and the experiments in soil permeability on the second. Both times, the train with passing scenery from the early days of the city was a fun place to stop and rest.

The opening press materials have stressed that this museum is primarily for locals. I really hope they will promote it to visitors. I'm not aware of another musuem of it's kind, and the message is important-save water, live green, appreciate your environment. I know that many visitors here view Las Vegas as a bunch of casinos surrounded by wasteland. The museum makes it easy to experience the beauty of the desert.

On a related note, I have seen some references to this as the "Central Park" of Las Vegas. Let's be clear-the Springs Preserve has little to nothing in common with Central Park. They're both great places, but are completely different. You're never going to see families picnicing in the middle of the Preserve, and you won't be experiencing a simulated flash flood in Central Park. They are, however, both great places to spend an afternoon together whether you are a local or a tourist.

In summary, if you live here, go now! If you plan to visit Las Vegas, consider scheduling some time away from the Strip to learn a little bit, and be sure to visit the giant gila monster under the floor of the gift shop.

Diversity and Compassion

How do we celebrate diversity? By not celebrating it. It's our family philosophy that nobody is the same, and that's what makes people interesting. Without differences there would be no reason to leave the house! We try to meet new people every place we go, and to learn about their lives by asking questions and really listening to their answers. In addition to the "get out and talk to people" plan, we read all kinds of books. Literature is an invitation to enter someone else's mind at a depth rarely achieved in everyday interactions.


The other, harder, aspect of embracing diversity is in accepting differences that are in conflict with my lifestyle and beliefs. Each day I am reminding myself to exercise compassion toward those with whom I disagree. Instead of mocking those with other ideas, or getting upset about the causes they promote, I try to be grateful for the reminder to teach Lucy about what I believe. Instead of stewing about other's actions or beliefs, I try to find solutions to the problems they think they are correcting. (In the first draft of this post, I mentioned an organization by name. Much work to do here.)

What is the best way to teach appreciation of differences and compassion? I think it has to be by example. Lessons and discussion are valuable, but can never surpass simply setting principles, and working daily together to uphold them. It's hard work, but the reward of approaching others with an open mind and heart and receiving responses in kind is well worth the effort.

What We're Learning

In June we are working on:

Classification - Sorting all kinds of materials like buttons, M&M's, Cars we pass, types of plants. Reading Arnold Lobel's "A Lost Button" from Frog and Toad are Friends.

Trees - Looking at different types of trees, learning about what trees do for the environment, learning about how trees grow. Making bark and leaf rubbings. We are anxiously awaiting the opening of the Springs Preserve, where we'll be able to see all kinds of native trees. We are starting nature journals. We are also trying an experiment in which we tie paper bags over some of the peaches on our tree while they are still growing. Each week we check the existing bags and add one more bag. I read about this technique in the Gourmet magazine. There's nothing of interest to report yet, but I have high hopes!

Reading all types of books.

Taking classes: Ballet and Music Together

Meeting weekly with Chinese tutor, and occasionally watching Muzzy or playing Hooked on Chinese

Big Craft Project - Shibori. After a good browse at Home Depot for shape makers, we are going to dye all kinds of clothing and fabrics. I'm still seeking a picture book on Japanese textiles.

The Lonely Road

We made the decision to homeschool pretty early on. I didn't have the seemingly usual doubts about how to get started or what to do every day. The problem started when Lucy turned 3, and her friends all went off to preschool. In New York, this was a minor inconvenience, as most of her friends lived right in our building, so it was easy to pop up for a few minutes in the evening. She also took a number of classes, and basically got to play with kids her own age every day. Here it's excruciating. We are frantically joining groups and seeking activities to get enough friends to make up for school schedules. We play with her a lot, and she has a babysitter once a week to play, but it just isn't the same. I know as she gets older, she'll be able to participate in after school activities and clubs, and she'll make some homeschool friends too, but for now it is getting really hard to hear about what she wants to do when her friends come to visit.

Mushroom Lasagna

This got rave reviews last night:
Make regular lasagna, but instead of ricotta, spread Winder Farms artichoke lemon sauce on the noodles, and use portobello mushrooms instead of meat. Not a speck left. No one complained about lack of meat either.

We're learning Chinese!

After about 6 weeks of searching, we have found a wonderful Mandarin tutor. He is well educated in both English and Mandarin, and quite adept at providing lessons that are useful for both parent and child. It will be interesting to see what happens when we add other families to the group, as we plan to do over the next few weeks. i am hoping that it will provide more conversational opportunity rather than chaos!

Playful Parenting

Playful Parenting I recently finished this book by Laurence Cohen, and thought it was the best "parenting advice" book I've read. At the beginning, I thought I already did most of the things he recommended, and that I might pick up a few tips, but as the book progressed I found much more good advice than I could have imagined. The area of most use in our household is the discussion of how to deal with the parent who is out of the house all day being rejected by the child upon return. We have had many nights of "I don't want Daddy," and the situation has improved after just a week of trying his techniques.

We have always followed a policy of trying to turn everything into a game, but Cohen recommends a level of play that reaches full-out ridiculousness. It feels funny at first, but wow, it really works. Read the book, try a few techniques. You'll be glad you did.

What We Read Last Night

Pierre Lucy read this to me, and I have never read it to her, so we got quite an interesting tale! As far as she was concerned, this was another book about lion dancing.

Too Many Rabbits by Peggy Parish This one is a fun story, but the pictures are really not too exciting compared to the lushly illustrated books we are used to reading.

Ladybug Magazine She has been reading magazines a lot lately. This particular one had an article about what you call the driver of different vehicles (a pilot flies the plane, etc.)

Mr. Book

My mother is a teacher, and she has long had in her classroom a friend named "Mr. Book." Mr. Book gives the students advice about how to treat him, with pages like, "Don't eat me, I'm not food," and " Turn pages carefully, don't tear me." Lucy got her own copy of Mr. Book, and has learned to treat her books like friends, although if you ask her what Mr. Book says, she'll proudly tell you, "Don't eat me, I'm food!"

The most special books in Lucy's collection are those created by her family. Construction paper, pens, and some form of binding are all that are required, and they really make her feel good. In addition to Mr. Book, she has Lucy Visits California, Lucy's Sleep Book, and Lucy's Alphabet Book.

Sometimes People Call Me Honey

A beautiful morning at the Guggenheim. Sketching the David Smith sculptures. Like a science fiction novel, the same cab driver who dropped us off was waiting at the entrance. He was very sweet, chatting with Lucy and giving her the receipt. When we got out of the car she told me, "Mommy, sometimes people call me honey." They sure do, and in your case it's only because you're so sweet.

Buzz Buzz

Flight of the Bumblebee, running around in circles for 45 minutes. We may never relax. On the other hand, it's an excellent workout...

What We Read Last Night

Lucy read to herself, Clifford's First Snow Day. She wanted to sleep in her igloo tent from Ikea, but didn't quite make it.

Of Big Bird and the Monkey King

Last night I joined Lucy in the bath, and we had a really pleasant long conversation about what she is thinking about: Big Bird. And when can I visit China like Big Bird? Where is the Monkey King? When will Sesame Place be open? I love quiet times like this when we just talk. It made the ensuing 45 minutes of being cold, wet, and pruny worthwhile.

Yum Yum Glitter

Yesterday we had friends over to make valentines. Lots of glue, tape, scissors and crayons. A toddler's dream. Lucy wanted to try using "yum yum glitter" like Ruby in Max's Valentine, so we got some beautiful pink and purple sanding sugar. It looked great on her valentines, and felt nice and crunchy on our feet all over the house!

I Want to Push the Elevator Button

We live in one of those giant apartment buildings that is like a miniature city. There is one neighbor on our floor who each time we see her at the elevator announces, "I want to push the elevator button because I am in a hurry." I guess she fears that Lovely L will dawdle, fuss, complain, and otherwise prevent her from reaching her destination in a timely fashion. The funny thing is that Lucy likes to push the elevator button, but it is not a critical part of her journey. She is perfectly ok with someone else pushing it. So obviously this woman has elevator button issues of some sort. Is there a way we could turn our relationship around, make her happy to see us?

Last night I was reading Playful Parenting, and the author related the tale of a drunken and obnoxious man whose aggressive attitude was turned around by a group of friends who invited him to join them. So how did they do it? Although I am not an outgoing person, that is what I want to work on for a while. Making the world a brighter place through empathy and connection. Any suggestions for implementation from those who are more "socially enabled" are welcome.

Not a big thing, but you never know what will happen.

"Sleep Hygiene"

We lead a very unstructured lifestyle. All three adults have been self-employed for most of our careers, and sticking to a schedule is really not our strong suit. I tried to do it, for months on end; schedules posted around the house, bedtime rituals, menu plans, but it never really worked. Each day ended with me lying in bed for hours with Lucy trying to get her to follow a bedtime schedule, while she cried piteously at the thought of all that fun happening without her.

Before long, I just gave up. At the time it felt like a combination of laziness and frustration, and later grew into faith that she would figure it out herself, and we would provide her with the neccessary resources. For a long time, she would tell me when she was tired (sometimes as late as 12:30 pm) and I would rock, nurse, pat, sing, and generally break every rule of "sleep hygiene." She would wake many times a night, crying needing help going back to sleep.

And gradually, it got better. Sleep stretches got longer and longer, until 6 hours or more was the rule, not the exception. Going to sleep got easier too, until this week when she reached the ultimate goal: she says "I'm tired," closes her eyes, and goes to sleep. Simple, beautiful, and worth the wait.

What We Read Last Night

Guess How Much I Love You

Dora's Day at the Beach-No, we haven't completely escaped her!

My Bunny Book

About Television

Sometimes when you try something scary and unknown, the reults can be terrific. We didn't let Lucy watch tv at all until she was one. If it was on when she was awake, we would make sure she was facing the other direction. At one, we let her watch Sesame Street each morning, and that was it.

Then she met Dora. The Children's Museum of Manhattan has a Dora exhibit that is remarkably engaging. Costumes, adventure slides, animals to drive in the rescue truck, they have it all. Once she met Dora she wanted to read her books, and watch her on tv, and watch anything else that might be on tv. Her television obsession was growing, despite our best efforts to restrict her viewing to a reasonable amount.

One, night, around her second birthday, she woke up at 2 am screaming, "I want to watch tv!" As I sat on the living room floor with her, trying to remain calm and resolute in the face of her irrational, but heartfelt pleas, my mom came out and asked, "Is it really worth the tears?" And you know, it wasn't. She watched Dora, and she watched Sesame Street, and whatever else she wanted that I could stand. My only television restriction was not during dinner. We had a few months of VERY HEAVY television use.

The result? In the past 2 weeks, she watched ten minutes total of television. She rarely asks for it. When she does, she quickly gets her fill and moves on to another activity.

She's just done with it, and I am glad.

Cyberchase

Even though she is not really old enough to understand the math, Lucy loves Cyberchase. And we love to see how masterfully the writers craft math and problem solving into the stories. It really shows how math is useful in everything. I only wish I had learned this lesson much earlier! I would love to wake up one morning and see evrything in "math vision..." (yes, I'm a geek)